Everyone thinks it's difficult to become a celebrity, but it's really quite simple. First, you have to do an incredibly embarrassing commercial when you're a child or teenager. Then you have to sleep with anywhere from 37-165 really ugly casting directors and let them take nude photos of you so they can use them as collateral to control you later in life. After that, all you have to do drink four quarts of Burt Reynold's blood and get a unicorn tattooed on your left butt cheek. Oh yeah, and you have to become a Scientologist too.
Lindsay Lohan (Jello)
This is a lesson for all of you ladies out there. If you eat Jello and befriend Bill Cosby at a very young age, you too can grow up to be super hot with large breasts and have a severe drinking problem.
Evangeline Lilly (Live Links)
I'd like to think that Evangeline charged Dominic Monaghan $0.99 a minute to hang out with her while they dated. I that was true, the world would make so much more sense.
Leonardo DiCaprio (Bubble Yum)
It's easy to look cool while chewing gum when you're thinking about all of the hot supermodels you're going to have sex with when you get older.
Sarah Michelle Gellar (Burger King)
Wait a second, so this means that Sarah Michelle Gellar isn't a natural blonde? She lied to us!
Seth Green (Nerf Slingshot)
Seth really does give hope to all of the ugly Ginger kids out there who think their lives have no meaning. It's false hope, but it's hope nonetheless.
Jack Black (Pitfall)
See kids, fat and stupid is a way to go through life.
Keanu Reeves (Corn Flakes)
This is the part where I'm supposed to write funny commentary about how bad of an actor Keanu Reeves is and how bad his acting is in this commercial. I'd rather talk about my favorite type of boobs. My favorite boobs are the one's that look like two Italian submarine sandwiches when you push them together.
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